Category Archives: Laughs

Dia de los Inocentes


by staff Comedy Editor Desi Desconocido 

elcorreo.com

The Day of the Innocent Saints meets this Friday, December 28, 2018, neither more nor less than 2019 years, according to tradition. And it is that, it would be necessary to go back to days after the birth of Jesus Christ to know where this celebration comes from. Specifically, at the moment when King Herod (of Judea) ordered to kill all the children (innocents) under two years old born in Bethlehem to get rid of the Child Jesus and avoid the prophecy of the Magi that it would be ” the King of the Jews ».

At the moment, this tragic event has given rise to the day in which all the jokes are worth, with the consent, even, of which they do not like to receive them. The big and small businesses are busy these days to fill their windows with articles of joke, costumes and “traps” to surprise the most undaunted. If you want to participate in some innocent or you want to avoid them, choose, among the following ones, the one that motivates you most and be careful not to get caught

1Change of sugar by salt

If there is a classic joke par excellence either December 28 or any other day, that is to change the contents of the sugar jar for salt. One recommendation: this is innocently recommended at breakfast time or if you are going to cook a sweet dish and, if you can, in company. The gesticulation after discovering the hidden ingredient is priceless.

2Sudden attack of dandruff

Continuing with the “magical” ingredient of salt, put the following into practice: pour some salt on your head, in a localized place or all over the hull. Now go to a friend, a relative or a co-worker and ask him if he can distinguish “something weird in the head”, the expression when seeing such a show on your scalp, without a doubt, will leave the innocent open-mouthed.

3Change the clock hours

Take advantage of a moment of loneliness, carelessness or when your victims are sleeping. You will have two options: to advance the clock, and that all arrive before their destinies; or delay it, so they do it late. In any case, we advise to advance the time and subtract an hour of sleep from the victim; preferable before making him late to any commitment, but, you decide

4The broken glass

For this joke you will need a bar of soap or a white or gray chalk. If your friend or family member has an establishment with a crystal moon, take the opportunity to leave the store to simulate an assault. You can carry it out by drawing several lines in the sinuantes crystal that converge in a same point, so it will seem that some unscrupulous has stoned the glass of the business. Note: calm your innocent before he can call the Emergency Service for the event.

5The trick of the coin

Another classic in the matter of jokes. Strolling down the street, finding a coin on the ground or hopefully a ticket and bending down to pick it up, are three actions that are carried out almost by default. However, this harmless maneuver can be cause for mockery on a day like this. You only have to fix a coin or bill to the ground and, sure, more than one innocent will fall into the trap of trying to take off the booty of the road. Another option in this field is to tie a rope to the coin or the bill, and when you catch it, pull so you can not catch it.

6Toothpaste

This nonsense could also be included in the “Top Five” of the typical jokes of the Holy Innocents. It consists of placing a bit of toothpaste or some other ointment on the victim’s face or hands while the victim is neglected or asleep. When you wake up and look in the mirror, you will see how a strange substance has “appeared” on your skin.

7The appearance of the “dwarf” or mannequin

This “innocent” would be classified among the scariest. It is very simple, and you can be yourself the protagonist or use a mannequin or a doll of considerable dimensions. Get dressed (or dress the mannequin) with a long trench coat or blanket, stand in front of the door (so that when you open it does not give you) of the room (or bathroom) of the person you want to surprise and get on your knees . When your victim opens the door, stay still, the shock will be assured. And it is that, the horror stories you took to the cinema and literature, as well as the personal experiences that many of our environment insist on telling us in reference to contact with the “beyond”, have made us in “pre-warning” about any noise, shade or feeling we have. Therefore, the appearance of a strange figure of unforeseen will make the most brave spiky hair.

8The finger on the fruit

The next joke is suitable for the most risky. It consists in convincing the innocent that if he is able to guess, with his eyes closed, which part of the body we are pointing to. For the picaresque, previously, we will take a piece of fruit an orange, for example, cut it in half and make a hole in the center, so that it fits the index finger. So, once we have asked you about areas of the body that are easy to recognize, such as the mouth or an ear, we will introduce the finger into the fruit. Without a doubt, the surprise is served.And the laughs, too.

9The dummy

But if there is a traditional joke and it takes root in the Day of the Innocent Saints it is to hang the white puppet in the back of our victim. In a moment of carelessness, place the paper with a piece of duct tape in the innocent’s coat, and walk through the city with the message of the day in question. As an option, you can include a message in the typical doll.

10The heavy suitcase

This playful joke has been repeated in many of the joke shows we often see on television. It is about placing a very heavy suitcase on the street, dressing up as if we were tourists and trusting the kindness of a passer-by.That is, we will ask some innocent if, please, you can transport the suitcase. The laughs will sprout when you see that it is impossible to move the suitcase, even five meters.

11The classic scarers

Buh! Hide behind a door, behind a corner, with the room in darkness All the nooks and crannies are useful if you finally get to scare the victim.

12Telephone joke

It is one of the resources that has become more fashionable in recent years.Moreover, innumerable websites offer this service for a fee since the joke request is made through an 806. But if you want to do it in a more economical way, look for someone whose voice is not recognized by the victim and take a Fly your imagination. From the discovery of an infidelity to the imposition of a traffic ticket. The options are multiple.

13Joke articles

The traditional costume and candy shops are the ones that these days dress up items to play jokes on the day of the Holy Innocents. The typical finger or the traditional fake hand that when shaken is pulled; the bags that are placed on the seats simulating flatulence, lying excrement, etc.

14The bell

It is as simple as placing a toothpick on the house bell switch. The eternal ding-dong will upset any tenant.

15The door

This joke serves, above all, for dwellings in which there is a door of one dwelling in front of another; It also serves in rooms in your own home that are in this way. You just have to tie a rope from one knob to another, so none of those inside the room can leave.

So far the list of innocents you can do on the day of the Holy Innocents.Tell us, through a comment, what was the best joke that you have spent or that you have spent.

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San Ysidro Border Migrant Memes


 

 

 

San Ysidro Border Razor Wire


by Staff Razor Editor Flor Afeita

The news media reports of lengthy San Ysidro border delays had me approaching my Ensenada to San Diego trip Thursday with trepidation.  Army and marine presence at the border could be very scary!

Would I have a 2 hour wait in SENTRI?  Would I be sent to secondary for a lengthy vehicle inspection?  Would I get to experience the “hielera”(cooler) again with my second hand and ankle cuff detention of the year(April was my first)?

My big surprise was the scary razor wire street art between lanes approaching the CBP booths at San Ysidro.

Perhaps they are going for this look?

For those not experienced with the San Ysidro(Tijuana) border crossing, there exists approx 6 feet of space in between lanes approximately 100 feet before the little office boxes where the CBP officers ask, “Where are you going today?”, “What are you bringing back with you?” and “What were you doing in Mexico?”.

This space in between lanes is full of electronic equipment and concrete barriers.

Adding a K rail block to this space with Christmas tinsel is an interesting defense tactic by Homeland Security in “Operation Close Shave”.  And the razor wire display is only in every other lane.

This razor wire display has the same defense capabilities of a Bic safety razor kiosk. But, I am no military tactical expert.

Here is the full video of the razor wire display deployment:

No, I did not see any military presence at the border Thursday morning.  Only saw the CBP boys and girls in blue uniforms.

So does tinsel precede ornaments and lights?

Perfect Cloud Mattress 2 Years Later


My mattress, just unboxed and read to unfurl

by staff Sleeping Editor Dormido Perezoso 

Now have two full years of sleeping on my Perfect Cloud Atlas gel plus mattress and simply enjoy every night of peaceful dreaming.

Since my purchase, I have noticed an increased advertising presence of mattress companies on the http://www.  Gotta luv the marketing involved with names like Nectar, Bear, Layla, Casper and DreamCloud.  They all seem to have a “secret sauce” type of innard material that makes theirs different and superior.  Here is the stuff inside my Perfect Cloud.

“Mocha”?  Geezo, does it also come in strawberry and key lime?

Here is my king sized mattress, just removed from its packaging and taking on air.  Guessing it is at the 7″ stage in this photo and headed to a 10″ final thickness.  These mattresses are vacuum packed to minimize shipping size, then absorb air to reconfigure to their normal size.

After approx 6 weeks of sleeping on it, I decided that it was just a bit too firm for my side/belly sleeping.  Added a bamboo fiber mattress topper that softens the mattress a tad and is now a perfect sleeper. Yep, I admit I was coming off of 17 years with a water bed.  That water thing was comfy, but, on the soft end of the firmness spectrum.

Most of these one piece bed mattress companies offer a free sleep trial of 30-90 days.  For us Baja residents, shipping it back to them would be a major hassle.  So best idea is to find a willing friend on vacation and check out their mattress while they are away for your test.

Or, if you are verrry friendly with them…

One feature that is important to me is a cool bed.  Many people simply throw a hunk of foam on their old mattress.  That may provide you the support/softness you desire.  But, I would burn up in the heat of that foam “oven”.  My Perfect Cloud is one cool sleeper.

Another fun and practical features of a “onesy” mattress is the storage area below.  The frame I purchased gives me 17 inches of storage area below.  I have eight x 18 gallon resin containers of stuff below this bed.

Full disclosure is that I’m an easy sleeper no matter what.  I paid $600 for the mattress and the bamboo fiber topper was another $100.  From what I’m reading that is on the lower end for these new high tech one piece mattresses.  Most of these mattresses in king are in the $1,000-,1500 range and that is still a grand value if you find a mattress you like.

Dulces sueños, y’all!

Getting Out the Vote


“Oro, Plomo o Provisiones?”  Mexico Election 2018 Campaign Slogan 

 

Game of Horns


Spirit Airlines


by Staff Senior Travel Editor, Otto Overbooked 

When I plug in my flight searches on Google Flights, I have most often deleted Spirit Airlines from the search due to their a la carte pricing menu confusion.

But, my recent flight date and time needs just happened to fit Spirit’s schedule on a coast to coast trip.  So down the tarmac we danced with Spirit.

Spirit’s “bare bones” fees exclude! a checked bag, a normal 20″ carry on bag, peanuts, beverages, seat assignments and these add on fees change if you don’t plan ahead or make a mistake.  My favorite add on is printing a boarding pass, costing them less than 10 cents, will cost you $10 at the airport.

After reading several reviews and packing lightly, I only had one bag to check as my only add-on fee this flight.  What is confusing is that the fee can be several different prices.  A pre flight online checked bag fee, a “bad passenger needs to check it at airport” fee or a join our Spirit “club” for a discounted fee are on the menu.  Most loyalty clubs are more painful and email SPAMful than are worthwhile, so I paid the $30 fee.

I did not have time for golf on this Florida trip, so I did not need to pay the $100 fee each way for my golf clubs, ouchee! Other checked bag fees also add on to that $30 fee I paid, depending on how heavy your bag is up to add $100, wheee!

Downloaded the Spirit APP and set my alarm for 24 hours before my flight to checkin.  Did not want to pay the $20 seating fee(x 2 for the two flight legs) so I guessed that earliest checkins get the better seats.

I did not get my seat assignments until I hit the customer experience counter at Orlando Int’l terminal B. Found my window seat and aisle seats for my two flights. So my logic on early checkin was solid or possibly just a random stroke of luck.

BTW, what is with MCO(Orlando Int’l Airport) having digital signs at passenger drop that read out “United Airlines” half the time, then “Do not leave your vehicle unattended” half the time.  If you are driving by while the digital readout give you the “unattended” script, howtf do you know where your airline checkin counter is along that 1/4 mile strip of choices at passenger drop-off.

Special thanks to my 07:00 limo team for excellent service to the MCO airport.

Back to Spirit, I get into the line that says “Equipaje Documentado” and hope I’m in the right line.  At counter, produced my Spirit app boarding pass and ID.  Bonus non-fee is that Spirit includes a receipt for your checked bag and verbal instructions on the gate assignment.

Am I the only one that often does not remember the verbal gate assignment?  30 seconds after that, I’m always looking for a outgoing flight monitor to tell me what gate I need. I’m usually short on caffeine most travel mornings and my senses are a bit agitated about the whole airport/TSA adventure.

Orlando TSA is always packed.  Fortunately, I successfully got my SENTRI(aka trusted traveler) # to register with Spirit, giving me TSA PRE ✔ access.  “Belts ON, Shoes ON, Laptops IN, no metal, empty your pockets…!!!”.

Flight was on time with the big yellow Airbus 319 waiting at the jetway.  Boarding was confusing because the Carib Island gate clerk had poor enunciation and low volume with everyone asking which boarding group was up.  Prefer the airlines that display which group is boarding on a monitor.

Please don’t be the passenger that hovers for the next boarding group in the boarding line.  Are you in the line, or are you super shy about being close to the preceding passenger, or are you waiting, or are you confused like me?

Got to my 18F window seat.  I’m not a big guy, but, subjectively, Spirit seats do seem a bit tighter than my American, Southwest and United flights.  Seat backs have a strap containing safety documents. If you need to get some work done on your laptop, that little tray, that looks like a cigarette container, is approx 5″ x 12″ to test your balancing and keyboarding skills.

You will not get a magazine with the CEO praising himself, cosmetic surgery centers or the best steakhouses in America.  But, a barf bag is included at no extra fee.

Spirit seats do not lean back.  Longer flights might want you to walk the aisle to ease your discomfort.

Thankfully, there was no flight attendant skit or stand-up comedy attempt.  Some may like that cuteness factor.  I just want to be left alone in peace with minimal crew interaction or them barking something at me.

Instead of the seat kicking kid, I got the couple that enjoys playing a video with enough volume to share that enterainment with the nearest 20 passengers.  I turned around and gave them the hairy eyeball look between the seat opening.  I believe she convinced him that they might just be a bit irritating and the volume came down to a whisper, thanks.

Arrived at DFW on time and in a peaceful attitude.  This was easier than expected.

Heard a new city name while waiting at DFW for next flight.  “Passengers on the ‘Alanna’ flight…”?  That is Atlanta for you northern Yankees.

One glitch hit me on the Spirit app.  The boarding pass kept refreshing so that I had to enter first name, last name and Confirmation #.  Hate confirmation #s passionately.  Why not my email addy or phone #?  C’mon technology geeks.  But, the boarding pass tried loading and continued to fail.

My customer experience sweats broke out as I envisioned combat mode argument about Spirit taking a lousy $10 away from me for printing the stoopid boarding pass.  No prob, showed them the app fail and they gleefully printed my pass.  Will do a screen shot next time.

That $10 could have purchased a Boar’s Head sammich at DFW terminal E, that was disguised as 2 oversized slabs of bread with a thin line of mystery meat and lettuce somewhere between.  No thanks.

DFW-SAN Diego flight was also easy and on time.  Got a gray color Airbus this time. Bag arrived easily and I exited the San Diego terminal 20 minutes after flight wheels banged the concrete.  I am very fortunate to have a smallish airport to use in San Diego.

 

We award Spirit Airlines with 3 out of 5 air sickness receptacles for doing mostly what they promised at a good overall value.  Saved me $100 this travel day, did not harass me and got me to my destination about the same as any other carrier.

Pack light, be light, fly short flights and study bag fees diligently on Spirit.

Drive Through Dining


I am traveling in Florida this week.  Rain, bugs, traffic(Spring break and Bikers’ Week), 3:30PM dinner hour, rednecks, fishermen, creative items dangling from bumper hitches, reflective decals of professional dancers on cars(didn’t you already cover these in the redneck section?), gator meat(it’s horrible, don’t bother) and more out of state license plates than possible are the highlights of the Sunshine State.

Noticed a drive through food service establishment in Orlando Florida area and my mind went Hmmmmm.  Are there any drive through food, banking, other services in Ensenada?  Mexico? I’m not a fan of McD, BK, KFC and that crap food, so maybe they have drive-throughs in Mexico that have missed my attention.

Noticed a Dunkin Doughnuts lineup of cars at the drive-through.  Guessing it was a 15-20 minute lineup.  Wow, who would sit in a stationary car for that long for what would take 3 minutes to walk in the door place your coffee and doughnut order and done?  Apparently, the answer is millions of people do it daily.

The microwave culture chooses the slower option of sitting in a car for 3X to 10X the wait time for a service.

Heck, Panera Bread has an in the stoer fast lane kiosk that will avoid the line and V.P. of customer experience.

Oops.  Perhaps my irreverence is misplaced.  With more blue handicap stickers per population than anywhere else on the planet, those handicapped Floridians might not be able to escape their cars for their tall Giuchie Giuchie ya ya Dada Mocha Chocalata decaf, lowcal, glutton free.

When was the last time I did the drive-though thing?  It may have been decades ago at a drive through liquor store in Texas.

Yep, count me out for dining in my car.  So what has been your best drive through service experience? And what business in Baja would benefit from a drive through service?  Hmmmmm.

The first drive-thru-focused chain opened in 1951 (and it wasn’t McDonald’s). It was Jack in the Box, another California-born concept created to take advantage of the burgeoning car culture. The original Jack in the Box was in San Diego and was drive-thru-only, offering motorists hamburgers to go for 18¢ apiece. While most Jack in the Boxes now also have indoor dining areas, roughly 85% of the orders at its 2,250 locations are either drive-thru or to-go. Jack in the Box is also credited with creating a rather self-serving fake marketing holidayNational Drive-Thru Day, which is celebrated every July 24.  Time.com

A list of unusual drive-through business services

 

March 14 Bikini Contest


AKA, Why I missed my Wednesday evening flight.

Ordering Eggs in Mexico


foto por Bajadock @ Casa Marcelo, Ensenada

mexkitchen.blogspot

One of the lesser, but frequent challenges for the expat in Mexico is ordering eggs in a restaurant. If you are fussy about how you want them cooked, as many are, you should read the following primer about getting your eggs the way you want.

But before anything else, I want to confront head on the nearly apocryphal mysteries of the double meaning of the word, “huevos”. While it’s true that it also has a second meaning of “testicles”, or more accurately, “balls”, the visiting gringo or savvy expat should not worry about evoking snickers or even guffaws from the waitstaff. The staff deals with eggs all morning, and if they were constantly snickering, they’d have no time or energy left to serve customers. That sort of humor, and also about chiles (a potent phallic symbol) is best relegated to the humorous repertoire of small boys and barely pubescent adolescents.

Nota bien: if you accompany your ordering with sign language, you may provoke humor. If you personalize your order, you run further risks. For example, don’t say, “I’ll have youreggs, fried, and over easy.”
That’s personalizing it. You just want “huevos estrellados.”

Common Pitfalls In Ordering Eggs
1. “Huevos al Gusto”, literally, “eggs to your pleasure”, but really “eggs to order”.
Don’t make the mistake of a one of our visiting friends and say, “I’ll have the huevos al gusto.” The waiter will have to ask you again how you want them prepared.

2. “Huevos Estrellados”, or eggs, sunnyside up. These are among the most popular. You need not accompany your request with elaborate sign language, making what seem to the waiter to be confusing and possibly humorous gestures. You have a better chance of getting them as you like if you use those two simple words. And, “por favor”, of course.

3. “Huevos a la Mexicana”: eggs scrambled with chopped chiles, tomatoes and onions. Simply, “eggs in the style of a Mexican woman”. Try not to say, “huevos al MexicanO”, which gives a simple order a new, special meaning.

4. “Eggs, over easy” aren’t easy to order. Many restaurants don’t get the concept. You have to ask for “huevos fritos volteados”. I once mistakenly said, trying to be helpful to another breakfaster, “huevos revolcados”, or something like, “knocked down eggs”. Where did I get that?

If you are lucky, one of your breakfast companions will order eggs sunnyside up, using gestures, and his eggs will arrive revolcados, umm, volteados, and you can swap.

Let’s move along quickly now. The following egg dishes are less fraught with peril:
5. “Huevos Rancheros”: eggs sunnyside up, on top of a lightly fried tortilla or two, covered with a salsa picante. Why this is totally snigger free is a mystery.

6. “Huevos Divorciados.” Sounds spicy, and they are: two eggs, estrellados, one in salsa verde and the other in salsa roja, on top of tortillas. This is a gringo favorite, especially those who have been in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

7. “Huevos revueltos”: I almost forgot them! Scrambled eggs. They are seldom cooked as I like, so I do not order them while breakfasting out.

8. “Omeleta” Sounds like “omelet”, and it is. Usually made with two eggs, and filled “al gusto”. What does “al gusto” mean? Class???
“As you like.”, that’s right. Muy bien.

So, you will need to specify what you want in it. “Tocino” (bacon), “queso”, (cheese); “cebolla” (onion), et cetera. Omelets are usually attractively garnished with onion, tomato and avocado, so you get a bonus for your breakfast pesos.

Special hint: The Omeleta de espárragos, cebolla, nopal y queso at the Gran Hotel Café in Pátzcuaro is a delight.

9. “Huevos Albañil”, or “Stonemason’s eggs”; scrambled eggs drowned in a very spicy sauce. Order this, as I do, when you want to be a cool, Old Mexico Hand.

10. Poached eggs: in general, don’t even try, unless you are in the restaurant of an international hotel. My Spanish-English digital dictionary yields the word, “escalfar” for “poached”, but we have had some limited success with “huevos pocheados”. Don’t get your hopes up. Please, whatever you do don’t call them “huevos pochos“.

There are other ways of preparing eggs, but the above listed are among the most commonly encountered. For further information, sign up for our advanced Huevos Clase.

Always be polite, and say “Por favor” and “gracias” at appropriate times. Try to keep gestures and especially sign language to the minimum. They look rude.

Finally, try to remember that Patience Is A Virtue, and that glitches in service do not occur only in Mexico. I’ll end with a video drama, made in an American diner, to keep things in perspective.

This is probably my last post of 2008. We’ll be travelling to México D.F., Puebla, and then spending a couple of weeks on Oaxaca. I hope to be observing, tasting and even cooking while we are there. With luck and energy, I’ll report back on our experiences.
May you have una Feliz Navidad y Provechoso Año Nuevo 2009!

 

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