This photo is my staged version of all of the table clutter strewn on my recent visit to Applebee’s.
by staff writer Crustaceous Curmudgeon
Restaurants treat me like a five year old. The only thing missing from my Applebee’s table on my once per year visit to that food emporium was a claw crane game to dive for stuffed animals.
In addition to a food menu(8? pages), burger special menu, monthly special menu, appetizer menu, social media reminder menu, late nite menu, Make A Wish sign and all of the other stuff competing for my attention, there were 4 appetizer plates with napkin-wrapped utensil sets.
Oh, lookey, small plates are here. Maybe we should order the bloomin mushroom or batter boiled gator gulp mush puppies.
Good Lawd, give me a one piece menu with no “lawn furniture” on the table. From now on, I’m having my customer experience host remove all of the billboards and extra clutter.
“Hi, my name is Cadiddlehopper, and I’ll be takin care of y’all this evening.”. Okay, C’Hop, get your Penske Moving Van 2 wheeler and get rid of this garbage.
In addition to these pieces from the customer experience literature team, Applebee’s has deployed tablet computers at each table for game playing, food ordering and bill paying. Gollygeewillickers, C’Hop, how could I ever do without your expertise and rely only upon technology?
The Presto’s(Applebee’s tablet) LED light is located at the top of the tablet. The LED light changes colors to indicate the different stages of the guest dining process. For example, a blue light will appear after guests have placed their order and a green light will show indicating that the guest has paid their check.
How about a flashing red light indicated the tablet is in need of rescue after it’s flight out the front door that sent it crashing to the asphalt parking lot?
Ok, in fairness to our 20 something server, all of this yard sale clutter is not his fault. We order our wine and beer and out they come within a few minutes. Wait, what are these? “Oh, it’s 2 for 1 happy hour.” So in addition to the Yeungling I ordered, I get another Yeungling staring at me that will either cause me to rush my 1st one or simply gather warmth for a room temp beer when I get a roundtoit.
As my cover photo shows, I deployed the subliminal appetizer hint platter on top of beer #2 in attempt to keep its cool. “Can you take this back and pour me a cold fresh beer when I’m ready?”. C’Hop: “Um, er, that’s the way we serve it.”.
Nosir, our Vice President of Beverage Services(VPBS) has instructed us to keep your table cluttered with as much stuff as possible, creating a frenzy of over ordering. You know how little tykes love being under the Christmas tree with the wrappings and such?
What, no binky?
Ok Crustaceous, what does this have to do with Baja? This serves as a gentle reminder to stay away from the Applebee’s in Ensenada, where we know people who have gotten physically ill from their customer food experience!
Sending warm beer wishes and an uncluttered table photo to Applebee’s CEO, Julia Stewart(formerly with IHOP, no relation to our C’Hop server).
Applebee’s Eustis, Florida, 13 March 2016, was our eyewitness table clutter experience.